


Breaking, Surfacing, Shattering

by leinthalexandra



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Endverse, F/M, Rule 63, always-a-girl!Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-01
Updated: 2011-09-01
Packaged: 2017-10-23 07:54:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/247959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leinthalexandra/pseuds/leinthalexandra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deanna knew the difference between a lost friendship and a lost relationship, so she was hardly surprised when Cas cornered her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breaking, Surfacing, Shattering

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a prompt over at the deancaskinkmeme, “Future!Cas/Past!Deanna, desperate sex.” So…yeah. Sex.

Deanna knew the difference between a lost friendship and a lost relationship, so she was hardly surprised when Cas cornered her.

They were just finishing loading the trucks for the goddamn suicide run her future self had planned. It was fucked up, it was insane, but Deanna didn’t want to keep dwelling on what the other her had become, what had made her so crazy to actually go through with it.

She threw the last bag into the back of the truck, slamming the door shut right as she felt a hand on her shoulder—that shoulder—startling her out of her thoughts, and Deanna pretended not to have felt the slight tingle running down her arm. When she turned around, there was Cas, his eyes clearer and more alert than she’d seen him since arriving in this nightmare of a future. His expression was dark, intense, enough so to remind Deanna of her Cas—well, the Cas she knew, not…

“We need to talk,” he said, and yeah, talking seemed to be the last thing on his mind. The way he was looking at her, obliterating her personal space (and no, Deanna thought, she didn’t miss that, being here, seeing Cas so distant and different and not Cas, even when he was). It was probably a bad idea, but, she thought, it was just one more in a long, long string of bad ideas for Deanna Winchester.

So she followed him to his cabin, and had barely shut the door behind her when she found herself shoved against it. Cas’ hand clutched at the back of her skull and his fingers tangled in her hair, pulling her close to crash their mouths together in a needy kiss.

This Cas tasted of booze and drugs, and it was so very wrong, seeing him like this, but she still couldn’t stop herself from pulling him closer, running her fingers through his dark, messy hair. Cas shuddered slightly as she kissed him back, and the utter insanity of the whole situation threatened to pull her under. He wasn’t her Cas, she wasn’t his Deanna, but it didn’t matter, not right now. It was just the two of them, no other counterparts, and this was between them and that was it.

She glanced at Cas, panting slightly as they pulled away briefly, and there was that look again. The one he’d given her when he’d first seen her, when he’d figured out she wasn’t the Deanna he knew, as though he couldn’t believe she was real. Like she was nothing but a hallucination of his drugged-out mind.

When she reached out for him, tugging his jacket from his shoulders, he stopped her, grabbing her wrists and staring at her, anxious and wanting all at the same time.

“Are you—” he started to ask, but she cut him off mid-way and pulled his lips back down to hers, letting it answer the question he was going to ask. Cas (this Cas) needed her—not the other, broken her, the one that had turned into nothing more than a fucking weapon in her own arsenal—but Deanna as she was, right here in front of him.

She managed to tear his jacket off completely this time, and he broke away from the kiss just long enough to peel off her tank top, then tracing his lips down her jawline, along her neck and down to her breasts. Deanna arched toward him, her hands already moving toward his belt, undoing the buckle and pulling down the zipper of his jeans. It was strange, unsettling even, to think of how her nerdy virgin angel had become like this, so clearly versed in the way of undoing a woman’s body, and she wondered how long it had been since he and the other Deanna had done this. Since she’d even felt a damn thing for him. She slipped her fingers inside his pants, feeling him hardening underneath her touch, and he hissed against her shoulder, nipping briefly at her skin. Deanna wanted to make him forget everything, even for just a little while. He needed it, and, well, so did she.

Her train of thought ended abruptly, however, as Cas pulled them over toward the bed, backing her up until the backs of her legs hit the mattress and she fell backwards onto it. It wasn’t too uncomfortable, all things considered, but her brain stopped functioning when he started on the fastenings of her pants, not even bothering to get them all the way off of her legs before he’d snuck his hand inside.

He paused, his hands shaking against her shoulders. Deanna pulled them away and interlaced their fingers together as she lifted her hips up to meet him. Cas let out a ragged breath, the sound of it so harsh and broken that Deanna couldn’t take it anymore, and she wrapped her legs around his back to urge him on, inhaling sharply as he pushed into her.

They began to move, the feeling of _him_ and _her_ and _they_ melting into one another until Deanna couldn’t tell where she ended and Cas began. It wasn’t a time for thoughts about what might happen tomorrow or the hopelessness of it all. She was his escape, much as he was hers, and there was nothing in the silence but the sound of their breaths and gasps and skin against skin.

Cas had his eyes clenched shut, as though afraid if he looked at her now, he’d fall apart. She pulled him down, their lips crashing against one another; it wasn’t a real kiss, but his eyes flew open and she could see, for just an instant, that clear, wild blue that made her feel and ache. It lit a spark of white fire in the pit of her stomach, consuming her whole and dragging her over the edge, pulling him along with her.

Cas held onto her tightly afterwards. He didn’t want to let go of her, didn’t want to let go of his Deanna, the Deanna he fell in love with before all of this happened. Deanna held him close and ran her fingers gently through his hair, not quite ready to give him up just yet either.


End file.
